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CustodyPlan

Co-Parenting Communication That Works

Fewer channels, clearer rules, less to argue about.

2 min read

Communication is the part of co-parenting that most affects how the arrangement feels day to day, and the part most plans cover in a single vague sentence.

You don't need to communicate well. You need to communicate predictably.

Pick one channel and say so

Multiple channels create ambiguity about whether something was communicated. Choose one primary method for non-urgent matters, email or a dedicated messaging service, and one for genuine emergencies, usually a phone call.

Write both into the plan, along with what counts as an emergency.

Set a response time

Twenty-four hours for routine matters, forty-eight for anything requiring thought. Without a stated time, silence becomes a tactic and a grievance simultaneously.

Define the scope

A clause limiting communication to matters concerning the children is short, uncontroversial, and does a lot of work. It gives both parents something to point at when a message drifts.

Write for a third reader

Assume every message could be read aloud in a courtroom. It's a useful filter, and it produces better messages regardless of whether anyone ever reads them.

Contact with the children during the other parent's time

Set a rhythm rather than a permission: specific days, a time window, a reasonable duration. Then state that the receiving parent will facilitate the call.

Also agree an age at which the children have their own devices and contact becomes direct, and note that scheduled calls typically become less important once they do.

Information sharing

Say who tells whom about what, and how quickly.

  • Medical appointments and outcomes, and any illness or injury
  • School reports, parent evenings and any disciplinary matter
  • Activities, matches and performances, with enough notice to attend
  • Travel plans, including dates and where the children will be
  • Anything significant that happens during your time that the other parent would reasonably want to know

What not to do

  • Don't pass messages through the children
  • Don't discuss the other parent negatively where they can hear
  • Don't use the children as a source of information about the other household
  • Don't respond immediately when angry, the response time exists for both of you

Common questions

What should a parenting plan say about communication?
The channel for routine matters, the channel for emergencies, a response time, the scope of what is discussed, and how each parent contacts the children during the other's time.
Should we use a co-parenting app?
Some parents find a dedicated app helpful, particularly where messages may need to be produced later. Others manage with email. What matters is that there's one agreed channel, not which one it is.
How often should a parent call during the other's time?
Enough to maintain the relationship without disrupting the other household. A common arrangement is a scheduled call on two or three set evenings, with flexibility for the children to call whenever they want to.

Document preparation only: not legal advice. Not affiliated with any court.